A Year that was 2020: A Personal Retrospect

 Precious Me,

Today is the last day of this stranger-than-fiction year, 2020. This year had derailed normal lives all around the globe. If I could meet my 2019 self and forewarn her, I am sure she would have dismissed it as one of my innumerable imaginary scenarios. Nevertheless, as every thing that begins must have an end, today 2020 has reached its tail-end. This is the time that we must retrospect and introspect about how we dealt with 2020.

The year through its strange ways taught us valuable life lessons that I want to abide throughout my life. 2020 had unleashed upon us a pandemic and I am thankful to God that I lived through it, granted that the pandemic is not yet over; but atleast I made it to the end of 2020 and this in itself is a huge achievement. I want to confess that though there were times when I was very scared but mostly I remained unbothered by this raging virus which brought the whole world to a standstill. This made me aware of my privileges and induced a deep gratitude for things that I may have taken for granted.

This year, like every other year had given me saddest as well as happiest moments, but unlike every other year, I had tried to deal with both, happiness and sadness in an equanimous manner. This year had made me painfully aware of the arbitrariness and uncertainty of life. We can devise as many plans about our lives as we want, but the bitter truth is that we have no control over future and no idea what may happen to us the very next moment. I sustained a severe leg injury and I had no intimation about how the accident happened, it happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly. I had to nurse my injured leg for about a month but it also made me realize that without the assistance of our body, which we usually take for granted, all our plans and grand design will collapse. Hence, I had promised myself to take good care of my body.

Academically this year had its worst as well as best moments. My second semester result was withheld as it got entangled in the administrative red-tape. I had to appear for NET this year but due to this unfortunate event I could not concentrate on my preparations. My college even threatened to throw me out because apparently I had not submitted a document, which in reality I had mailed to them atleast hundred times. I thought this would be the end of my career and thus I was very upset and couldn’t concentrate on my studies. But, by God’s grace the issue ultimately resolved and I got my result, though I hadn’t scored very well but I was grateful to finally get my result. During those few anxious months when I just couldn’t bring myself to study for the upcoming NET exam, I distracted myself by enrolling in various online courses, writing a long story in my mother tongue (of which I am extremely proud), learning Korean and reading the humongous novel, A Suitable Boy.

After a few days I got my result, the schedule of the NET exam was declared and I realized I had just a month in my hand to prepare for the exams. However, the ambience of my home was anything but suitable for studies. Since, our house was amidst construction work it was always filled with workers and was always noisy. Nobody in my house bothers about my studies so I had to fight for myself in order to get a peaceful environment for studying. All I can say is that though I won yet the fight left me deeply scarred. Long story short, I got just one month to prepare for one of the toughest and most decisive exams of my career, whose full-fledged preparation requires a minimum of six months’ time. Unsurprisingly, I was extremely dissatisfied with my exams because I was sure that I did very poorly and had no chance of qualifying NET. I had almost given up hope but when the answer key was released and I calculated my marks I was taken aback to see that I had exceeded my expectations, in fact I had scored really well. Hence, by God’s grace I qualified NET in my first attempt despite the innumerable hurdles I encountered on the way.

2020 taught me how precious each moment is so I tried to make the most of my days. Though there were days when I did absolutely nothing and felt miserable. I know that it’s okay to take days off and do nothing but those were not such peaceful days, those were extremely stressful days which rendered me incapable of doing anything. But, each time I bounced back when stress and anxiety threatened to smother me (I pat myself on my back for my quiet resilience). In 2020, I dealt with life one day at a time, though I still get crippling bouts of anxiety but this method had helped me in overcoming my anxieties to a large extent.

In 2020 I discovered a lot of beautiful works of art/literature that soothed the wounds inflicted by reality. I am grateful to discover anime movies, especially the movies of Ghibli Studio they are absolutely magical. I am glad that I decided to watch the T.V series Schitt’s Creek and several other wonderful movies like, JoJo Rabbit, Atonement, etc. I also discovered the magical world of Bengali audiobooks on YouTube, until previous year I had known about only one channel but thanks to all the spare time endowed by lockdown I discovered several other YouTube channels which are creating amazing content. I read a total of thirty seven novels, which is no less than an achievement for me because I am a slow reader and also I am always saddled with assignments and term papers.

Throughout the year I stumbled a lot but I managed to get up after each fall. I will enter 2021 with a lot of bruises and wounds, but I am proud of them and will forever cherish my scars. 2020 was a strict teacher but one that taught many lessons the hard way, and I believe that lessons learnt the hard way are never forgotten. I will remember that even the darkest clouds have silver lining, and no matter how difficult things become I must always cling on to hope, no matter how frail it may appear. There will always be a way out from the darkest and deepest abyss. Hence, I must never lose hope and give up on life, because life is precious and I am precious, and therefore must always be cherished.

Adieu 2020, you could have been a little more lenient. Nevertheless, thanks for all the lessons. I am ready for you 2021, please be good to me and fulfil my dreams.

From, Me (Roopkotha)